Toronto Gets Rid of Manager Gato

The Toronto Blue Jays fired their manager today, a decision club officials announced in a hastily assembled press conference.

“I wanted to win here, and I wanted to try to bring a championship to this city, but it just didn’t work out,” a shaken Shunsuke Gato said later. “It’s going to be awfully hard getting out of bed tomorrow knowing I’m not the manager of the Toronto Blue Jays.”

Team general manager Michael Jank credited Gato for having a “wide-reaching baseball knowledge,” but added that the decision came down to “how many wins you put on the board.”

“That is what determines success in baseball. We’ve had a few problems with the way things have been going. Before they got any worse, we figured we would make a change.”

The next manager is expected to be announced shortly.

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